By Pat Centner, AFA Journal staff writer
November-December 2000 – • “ ...I have hated myself and considered killing myself.”
• “I’ve been through the alcohol and drugs, and some of the sex. I’m just confused about a lot of things in my life.”
• “I am having sex and I might be pregnant.”
• “I am going through a divorce with my mom and dad, and it is very upsetting.”
When reading the scores of student responses, one is overwhelmed by the enormity of the problems teenagers cope with today. It is also amazing that nearly every response mentions a major problem. Peer pressure. Conflict with parents, divorce. Alcohol and drug abuse. Early sex, teen pregnancy, and abortion. Low self-esteem, loneliness. Suicide.
The responses above were written by Northeast Mississippi high school students who voluntarily attended an assembly sponsored by Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA). As with many of the FCA assemblies, the students were treated to a presentation by a well-known Christian athlete. At the conclusion, they were asked, among other things, for their assessment of the program and to list any personal struggles they were having.
“What is really sad is that the Christian kids’ problems were almost the same as the non-Christians’,” says Scott Carter, Director of FCA for Northeast Mississippi. “Many of these kids are falling apart on the inside; yet, on the outside, they try to act like everything’s cool.”
Carter has counseled with kids about every subject imaginable, and he says one of the most prevalent problems he encounters is the perception by today’s youth that most adults are hypocrites and not to be trusted. Many think this about their parents in particular.
“They feel like their parents live in a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ world,” Carter explains.
“And when it comes to believing in God, the kids yearn to believe in Him. But they’re afraid to because they see the hypocrisy in their parents’ lives and say, ‘I don’t want to believe in anything they do [parents] because I don’t think they’re real.’ ”
Author Johann Christoph Arnold refers to the “do as I say” syndrome in his book, Endangered. “... when [kids] are taught [this] ... in one situation after another, they gradually learn there is never anything so black and white that it is always good or bad, at least not until they make the wrong choice at the wrong time.”
Arnold also says that, as a father, he knows how hard it is to be consistent, and, conversely, how easy it is to send confusing signals without even realizing it. However, as a counselor, he also knows how sensitive young adults are to mixed messages and inconsistent boundaries, and how readily they will reject both as clear signs of parental hypocrisy.
“But I have also learned how quickly the worst family battle can be solved when parents are humble enough to admit that their expectations were unclear or unfair, and how quickly most children will respond and forgive,” Arnold adds.
Sadly, there’s one particular circumstance when it’s hard for kids to forgive, and that’s when their parents get divorced. “When kids talk to me about divorce,” says Carter, “they talk about how hurt and disappointed they are. Some of them try to blame themselves for the divorce, and others get mad because they think their parents ‘gave up and quit’ so easily.”
In fact, Carter says many kids wrote on their responses that they struggle with “giving up and quitting too soon” themselves because their parents did that in their marriage. Some respondents said their parents divorced as many as ten years ago, and the kids are still trying to cope with it.
Early sex, teen pregnancy, and abortion were also frequently-mentioned responses. “Can God forgive me for killing my baby?” asked one troubled teen who had gone through an abortion. Another said, “People are pressuring me to have sex for the first time.”
Other responses were from boys worried about drinking too much and being pressured by their peers to take drugs. Other kids hurt because they believe nobody likes them and they “don’t fit in.” Tragically, some are contemplating suicide.
“People need to know these are not just a few isolated comments,” says Carter. “Nearly every kid, including the Christian kids, noted a problem of major proportions. And we’re looking at schools in the Bible Belt. Think what it must be like in the larger cities across the country! Either things are getting worse for kids, or they are just becoming more open.
“Probably the saddest thing of all is that so many kids feel like their parents really don’t love them or care in the least about their hurts and needs,” Carter continues. “Granted, some of them feel that way because they’re teenagers and struggling with who they are and where they fit in the world. But there are a lot of kids whose parents basically ignore them and ‘buy them off ’ just to get them out of their hair.”
African-American journalist Mumia Abu-Jamal is quoted in Endangered: “Our children hunger for love. They have two hundred-dollar sneakers, video games, computers. Some even have their own cars...They have all of the latest toys, but no love.”
What can be done to overturn this tragedy among our youth? Obviously, there are literally thousands of helpful resources out there – books like Endangered, and a great book for teens titled Ten Time Bombs – Defusing the Most Explosive Pressures Teenagers Face by Ron Hutchcraft. Classes, counseling, videos, books and CDs on parent/teen relationships abound.
But Scott Carter has the answer that hits the nail on the head. He says we need a 2 Chronicles 7:14 nation-changing revival in the hearts of Christians across America. [God says] “If my people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.”
“America has drifted far from the Lord,” Carter admonishes, “and that’s the main thing wrong with our kids today.
“Parents need to ‘get real’ – and all the rest of us do, too. We need to quit being so focused on ourselves and what we want and be focused, instead, on our kids’ needs, and love them with an agape (self-sacrificing) love,” insists Carter. “We need to pray for our youth, to seek out hurting kids and build relationships with them. And we all need to take off our masks and be vulnerable before each other. When we stop all the pretense, God will use us for His glory.
“According to all the studies, this generation of kids is the most hurting and disillusioned ever. I believe this is because of the great sin in our culture,” laments Carter. “But the Scriptures say ‘Where sin abounds much, grace abounds more.’ And I believe God, by His amazing grace, is going to do a great work in our kids’ hearts that will impact our entire nation.
I agree with what Christian singer Al Denson says, "Young people's hearts are like wet cement – God can still write His name in there." 
Endangered…Your Child in a Hostile World
Author: Johann Christoph Arnold
With remarkable understanding and deep compassion for children, author Johann Christoph Arnold coaxes the reader of this profoundly moving book to new levels of thinking about the plight of today’s children in a hostile world where divorce runs rampant and thousands of kids go to bed feeling unloved and unwanted.
Endangered provides a wealth of insight into what is needed for successful parenting today – not by giving step-by-step instructions, but by telling rich, compelling stories of dozens of people whose experiences have had life-changing impact on how they raise or work with children.
The book features comprehensive information regarding the author’s premise that today’s kids are pressured to grow up too fast and to excel in everything they do. Related to that is his belief that most parents are so busy making sure they get what they want from life that they become indifferent to their children’s fundamental needs for time, attention and love.
Arnold points out that although America is wealthier than ever and most kids are lavished with every material object imaginable, the fact is that disappointment and unhappiness reign in more young people’s lives than ever before. Sadly, they act out that unhappiness in rebellious acts as devastating as the 1999 Columbine (Littleton, Colorado) high school shootings, and as absurd as purposely failing a test to anger a parent.
In asking, “What is it that today’s children are rebelling against so vigorously, and why?” Arnold says the answer is simple: hypocrisy. Though he admits this is harsh, to support his position he uses the words of a student compelled to explain Columbine: “...People may label us ‘Generation Next,’ but we are more appropriately ‘Generation Why?’ Why did most of you lie when you made the vow of ’til death do us part? Why do you fool yourselves into believing that divorce really is better for the kids in the long run? ... Why did you ever fall victim to the notion that kids are just as well off being raised by a complete stranger at a daycare center than by their own mother or father? ... Why do you allow us to watch violent movies but expect us to maintain some type of childlike innocence? ... Why are you so afraid to tell us ‘no’ sometimes?”
Endangered pricks your conscience and touches your heart. It also offers hope for parents and kids alike – hope founded in unconditional love, compassion and mutual respect. This book is for any person remotely associated with rearing or working with children and teens.
Publisher: Plough Publishing House, Farmington, PA. To order: 1-800-521-8011, or order from online sellers.)
