By Pat Centner, AFA Journal staff writer
March 2001 – When high school student Daniel Doss signed a pledge to abstain from sex until he married, little did he know his future wife, Emily, had already signed an identical pledge when she had been in seventh grade. Since they lived in different Tennessee towns, neither knew the other existed. Today, they're happily married and grateful to God for allowing them to meet, fall in love and stay true to their pledge.
Daniel and Emily are just two of the nearly three million young people who have signed virginity pledges as a part of programs like True Love Waits, an international campaign designed to challenge students to remain sexually abstinent until marriage.
And now the positive impact of pledges like these has been proven by a study released in the American Journal of Sociology in January. The study found that students who vow to remain virgins until marriage are 34% less likely to have sex than those who do not pledge to abstain.
"The biggest predictor to [having] sex is being in a romantic relationship," says Columbia University Professor Peter Bearman, co-author of the study. But teens who are in relationships and take abstinence pledges are less likely to have sexual relations than teens who don't pledge to abstain. "A ‘pledger' with four romantic partners has the same relative risk of sex as a ‘non-pledger' with no romantic partners. That's a huge effect," Bearman explains. Taking a pledge delays intercourse for an average of 18 months, he adds.
In Daniel and Emily's particular situation, they were both very dedicated to remaining pure for their future spouse. Emily continually pledged purity to her "future spouse" by writing letters in several journals from the seventh grade until she and Daniel married last May 27. The couple had met at the University of Tennessee-Martin Baptist Student Union when he was 19, and she, 18. They fell deeply in love. When they became engaged, Emily began addressing her letters directly to Daniel. On their wedding day, she gave him the journals as a wedding gift.
"I cannot express how important it was to me that purity remain the Number One priority in our relationship," says Daniel. "It was difficult at times, but we both knew we had made a commitment to God, and we made sure we kept it." Daniel, who is minister of youth and music at Long Heights Baptist Church in McKenzie, Tennessee, says both he and Emily try to live their lives as a witness to the young people in their youth group. "We talk and pray with them and tell them about the incredible impact keeping our True Love Waits pledge has made on our lives and our love for each other."
A forgiving God, a priceless friend
Kylene Berkheiser and Lisa (not her real name) don't know each other. Kylene lives in Greentown, Indiana, and Lisa in Red Bluff, California. Kylene is 22; Lisa, 18. Similarities between the two are few, but they do have one thing in common. Both have made virginity pledges, broken those pledges, and then signed a second pledge recommitting their vows.
Kylene's story begins six years ago at a church youth rally in Greentown, Indiana. There, she signed a pledge card committing to remain sexually pure until she married. She was 16 years old.
In college, Kylene "got in with the wrong crowd" and started "drinking, smoking, and doing things I shouldn't have been doing," she says. One night, she came within a hair's breadth of becoming a victim of date rape. Not long after, she met a young man who she believed would be her future husband. After they dated a while, he asked her to have sex with him and she consented. He told her they would marry someday, and they continued a sexual relationship. It was then that Kylene took her True Love Waits ring off her finger. "I knew I wasn't doing right," she says.
A year ago, the young man ended the relationship. "I came to the conclusion, after months of crying and anger, that he had just said what he did so he could get what he wanted," Kylene says sadly. "I realized what a fool I had been. More than that, I had broken a promise to God. I asked Him to forgive me and recommitted my life. I felt one way to honor Him would be to tell other kids about my experience so, hopefully, they wouldn't make the same mistake I had," she says.
As a result, Kylene speaks at True Love Waits rallies whenever she can. She recently spoke to nearly 2,000 young people in Peru, Indiana. "I told them not to give up on themselves if they've broken their pledge. God still loves them, and it's okay to ask Him for forgiveness."
Lisa tells her story in an E-mail:
"Hello, I am 18 years old, and I lost my virginity to a guy I thought I loved at the age of 16. It was the biggest mistake of my life. . . I was brought up being taught that you do not have sex until you are married, but I got caught up in the moment; and let me tell you, after the first time, it's easier and easier to do.
Every time afterward, I would find myself crying because I was so mad at myself. One of my good friends introduced me to the True Love Waits program and taught me what a "born again virgin" is. I ended up making the commitment. God was so good to bring me this friend. She has been so patient and kept me accountable, and I thank her for that….
Even if you've had sex, don't give up on yourself. Now that I have completely stopped everything that was leading up to sex, I am so much happier. I have a new outlook on life. I encourage everyone to save yourself till you are married, but if you have already lost your virginity, do not give up. Find a friend to help you stay accountable and go for purity from this day forward!"
God's sufficient grace
"It is only by God's grace that I have been able to keep my commitment to sexual purity," says Kristi Farmer, a junior at Wofford College in Spartanburg, South Carolina. "It is nothing to take pride in."
Kristi was 12 years old when she and her two sisters took the True Love Waits pledge. Her parents bought TLW rings for Kristi and her two sisters at the time they made their pledge. Even though she was young, Kristi says she realized how meaningful the pledge was and, most importantly, that it was a promise she was making to God.
During her high school days, Kristi had dating relationships through which she realized that God wants His children to keep Him as the priority and focus of their lives. She also learned that when she, as God's child, put her complete trust in Him, He showed her the right road to travel in all her relationships.
"I just kept praying that God would send me the right person," she says. "I didn't date for two years, and then God brought Eric into my life. We've been dating almost a year. We've pledged to remain pure in our relationship. And although we pray for each other, we don't have an intimate prayer time together, because, at this point in our relationship, we feel we should maintain our own individual intimacy with God."
Two shall become one
In May of 1998, Stephen and Jennifer Byrd became man and wife. The couple had their True Love Waits rings melted down to make a wedding band for Jennifer. They had both originally made their commitments in 1994 when Jennifer lived in Mississippi and Stephen in Louisiana. They met at a youth camp in southern Mississippi where they both served as camp counselors in the summer of 1995.
"Our purity commitment has been extremely important to us ever since we met," says Jennifer. "Of course, we struggled, but God helped us stay true to our pledge.
"We had a lot of unsaved friends at our wedding, and we used it as a witness to the importance of our purity vows to Christ and each other," Jennifer continues. "Stephen made customized pledge cards for our vows, and we included a True Love Waits ceremony as a part of the wedding. We believe it was a witness to God's love and God's grace." 
For more information about True Love Waits: www.truelovewaits.com, or E-mail Nancy Boehmer at [email protected].
