Randall Murphree
AFA Journal editor
October 2002 – ABC’s My Wife and Kids took the Family Friendly Programming Forum’s award for best family comedy in the advertisers’ August 9 awards gala televised on ABC. The Guardian (CBS) took top honors in best new series. WB’s 7th Heaven was top drama, The Rosa Parks Story (CBS) top movie, Dinotopia (ABC) top animated special, and American Family (PBS) best special series.
“I have to say, we’re a little surprised at some of the winners,” said Tim Wildmon, president of American Family Association, which monitors prime-time programs for content. “For example, the winning sitcom is noted for its crude, suggestive language and very adult themes.”
In the February 21 episode, My Wife and Kids featured five-year-old Katy calling the cops because she heard her mother screaming, “Oh God! Oh God! You’re killing me!” while having sex with Dad. When the cop came, Dad explained with a smirk, “...that’s what she said, all right. You know, sometimes you just gotta hurt ’em. Show ’em who’s boss. You know.”
The cop laughs with him and replies, “I know what you’re saying.”
On August 7, two days before the Family Friendly Awards were announced, the winning sitcom had a porn theme in which Mom and Dad talk about Junior’s sexual arousal. They proceed to have sex on Junior’s bed, where Junior’s Web cam records and broadcasts their act via Junior’s computer. A number of pro-homosexual jokes round out the dialogue, broadcast at 7:00 pm CT.
In a 7:30 episode the same night, Dad makes numerous references to his need for booze to help him endure having two teenagers.
For summer repeats, ABC picked an episode on August 14 which featured Mom and Dad visiting their homosexual psychiatrist. The mother is angry that hubby does not spend more time with the family, so he ordains “family night,” which turns into disaster when Dad throws out his back while playing Twister. His dialogue with the mother includes a few vulgar euphemisms for sexual activity. Occasional profanity and obscenities occur.
An August 21 repeat included jokes about alcohol abuse, virginity, partner-swapping, genitalia, and frequent profanity. And this is the best of prime-time according to the Family Friendly Forum.
“Apparently, television advertisers define ‘family friendly’ a little differently to the way we would at AFA,” said Wildmon.
Regarding The Guardian, Wildmon cited an early episode (October 23) in which the hero helps a homosexual teenager arrested for propositioning a cop. “The boy’s parents are religious fanatics who hate homosexuality,” he said, “but two gay men are a caring couple who offer the boy a loving home. That hardly seems family friendly.”
Wildmon also said the November 6 episode reviewed by AFA monitors revealed about a dozen profanities and a few euphemisms for sex acts.
The Family Friendly Forum is a coalition of 48 major advertisers whose Web site says, “As members of American society, we are concerned about the TV imagery, role models, themes and language to which our young people are exposed. ... We’re honoring outstanding family friendly TV programs with our annual tribute, The Family Television Awards.”
“To give credit where credit’s due,” said Wildmon, “the forum is doing some things right. “They have established a script development fund to finance new family friendly television and The Gilmore Girls on the WB is a result of that program. But they’ve got a long way to go if they think the sex, porn, and profanity of My Wife and Kids is a great family series.”
Members of the forum include Procter & Gamble, Johnson & Johnson, AT&T, Coca-Cola, Ford, General Motors, Gillette, Kellogg, McDonald’s, Sears, State Farm Insurance and Wendy’s (www.familyprogramawards.com).
Selected dialogue: My Wife and Kids
Procter & Gamble advertised on the two episodes represented below.
8/7 (episode 1) – Mom bought upgrades for Junior’s computer and Dad told her to take the things back.
Dad: Oh, great! Now his porno will pop up just as fast as he does.
Mom: Maybe this time he really does have a thirst for knowledge.
Dad: Oh, he’s got a thirst for knowledge. And a hunger for knockers.
Mom: …the Internet is the information super highway.
Dad: You know what’s on the side of every highway?
Mom: What?
Dad: Prostitutes.
Mom: …the Internet is like the world’s library.
Dad: No. It’s like the library you go through to get to the whorehouse.
Later, Mom and Dad make up and start to have sex on Junior’s bed.
Dad: Wait up – gotta use protection. Put that on. (Hands Junior’s football helmet to Mom.)
Their sex is recorded on Junior’s new Web cam and thus available via his computer. He gets 16,000 hits the first day. He and Mom are embarrassed, but Dad’s pretty proud. Later in the program, Junior comes home from school with a new attitude.
Junior: Good news. You’re not the hot topic at school anymore.
Dad: Really? What took us off the front page?
Junior: The principal got caught fooling around with Lonnie O’Brien’s mother.
Dad: Wait. Isn’t your principal a woman?
Junior (grinning): That’s right.
8/7(episode 2) – Mom and Dad get Junior’s SAT scores and Mom tells Dad Junior did well.
Dad: You mean the boy that gets his penis caught in his zipper every other day?
Dad later apologized to Junior for calling him a jackass and other ugly names for years. 
