By Jason Collum, AFA Journal staff writer

March 2004 – It’s no longer just a man’s problem.

One in six women in America share a common situation: they struggle with pornography. Sadly, that number includes many Christian women, too. Even more sad, though, is many of these women feel they are alone in this struggle, not knowing or feeling that other sisters in Christ – maybe even friends – are going through the same painful ordeal.

Anyone wanting proof of how widespread and problematic the use of pornography has become among women need only look at some surprising statistics:

• Today’s Christian Woman magazine recently polled its readers about whether they used pornography, and 34% responded that they had intentionally sought out pornography on the Internet.
•  According to Nielsen NetRatings, nearly one in three visitors to adult Web sites is female. Using these statistics, Nielsen estimated that 9.4 million women in the United States accessed pornography online in September 2003.
•  Organizations and ministries such as Pure Life Ministries, based in Dry Ridge, Kentucky, have been seeing a dramatic increase in the number of women seeking help in breaking free from sexual sin. Pure Life is a ministry primarily focused on helping men break free from such practices.

Kathy Gallagher, whose husband Steve founded Pure Life Ministries, has seen many of the E-mail requests for help, and has talked to several women who have called. And, having been through her and her husband’s own battles with pornography, she knows a little bit about what might lead a woman down that path.

Loneliness, being abused as a child, or having been introduced to pornography are among the reasons some women give for viewing pornography. Whatever the reason, though, Gallagher said sexual sin has the same consequences for women that it does for men.

“Someone might say that it’s better for a single person to look at pornography for self-gratification than for them to go out and have sex,” Gallagher said. “But pornography is just as destructive for a woman as it is for a man. It will hollow out your soul.”

The Internet as instigator
The interactivity and the anonymity of the Internet have had probably the greatest effect on the growing problem among women and pornography. Chat rooms and Web sites featuring romantic or erotic literature might be a woman’s initial lure to viewing porn.

Today’s Christian Woman recounts the story of a woman, called Maggie, who found herself drawn to read such material online. In one instance, a man Maggie had met in a chat room E-mailed her a link to a story online that he said made him think of her when he read it. The fact that in the story the heroine was smart, funny and beautiful made Maggie feel flattered, and the story also aroused her, leading her to recall the physical “high” of sex she missed since her divorce. That led her to read more stories, many of which had links to photographs of couples in various stages of intimacy.

When Maggie’s mind swung back to the real world, she realized she’d been online surfing a porn site for more than three hours, and any high she might have felt was quickly replaced by the low of knowing not only had she once again done something she promised herself she wouldn’t do, but that she’d also let down God, and didn’t know if He would forgive her.

While erotic literature – and even some romance novels – are slowly drawing women into pornography, today’s hypersexualized society has also led women, like men, to be drawn into porn initially by the visual stimulation they receive.

“We’re seeing a dramatic increase in the number of women who are hooked into pornography and other more behavioral ways of acting out,” said Dr. Mark Laaser, in an interview with Christianity Today’s Marriage Partnership. Laaser heads the Christian Alliance for Sexual Recovery, and has worked with hundreds of pornography addicts and their families. “Historically, we would have said women are addicted to romance novels or women are addicted to chat rooms. That’s still somewhat the case, but it’s changing. If you look at women 30 to 35, in that age range and under, they’re getting more visual. They’re getting more aggressive…. Culture is rewiring the female brain. And I literally mean rewiring – neurochemically, neuroanatomically, women are getting rewired to be more visual and aggressive.”

That’s an assertion Gallagher agrees with. She said today’s generation of young women grew up in a culture where sex has saturated nearly every form of entertainment. Desensitization can occur easily in such a situation.

What about as a marital aid?
Gallagher said there are three types of women: those who will not look at pornography for any reason, those who get into it because of their boyfriends or husbands, and those who get into it on their own. 

“In most cases we’ve seen, the women have gotten into it because they were introduced to it by someone else, usually a boyfriend or husband,” she said.  

She and others refute the idea that a husband and wife can benefit from viewing pornography together. Marnee Faree, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Nashville, Tennessee, told Today’s Christian Woman of a woman, Julie, who had viewed X-rated sex videos with her husband after hearing it would rejuvenate their sex life. “That’s the ugliest lie out there,” Julie said. “Instead of bringing you closer, it drives a wedge between you and your spouse.”

Donna Rice Hughes, president of Enough is Enough, an organization working to make the Internet safe for these families, echoed that statement. She told The Plain Dealer (Cleveland, Ohio) newspaper that while viewing X-rated films might rouse a couple’s interest for a while, “real women with real varicose veins and real body fat” lose in the end because they can’t compete with the forever young and cosmetically kept appearances of women on such videos.

In addition, the erotic nature of some tapes sold as “instructional” videos for couples can spur involvement with pornography.

What to do
Gallagher believes when a person has a problem with pornography, it directly relates to his or her walk with God. She does not say this in a judgmental way, though, having been through her own battles with pornography. Sexual sin is the same as any other sin in that it hurts or damages a person’s walk with God.

In talking with Today’s Christian Woman, Faree agreed, and said what women need is not someone to be judgmental, but to be understanding.

“Women addicted to porn need professional therapy with a Christian counselor and a renewed sense of kinship with other women who understand,” Faree said. “The worst thing you can do with these women is lecture them about praying more or asking God for help. They’ve already done that, often to the point of despair. They do need to be held accountable for their sins, but they also need help, support, and unconditional love.”

If the problem of pornography is online, women will want to give serious thought to using a filtered Internet service, such as BSafe online, which can prevent them from accessing such Web sites. However, that may only stop one way of accessing pornography. Truly breaking free of sexual sin takes a recommitment to God. Gallagher recommends women read At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, Pure Life’s book about breaking free from sexual sin and restoring one’s walk with God. 

In the end, Hughes said it is only God who can give a woman – or a man – the strength to break free from the grip of pornography. “I don’t believe true healing can happen without the power of Jesus’ blood,” she told Today’s Christian Woman. “Many people in the church struggle because while they’ve changed their behavior, the images from pornography exposure still are there. Christ has to renew their minds.”  

Resources to help Break free from sexual sin
• At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, by Steve Gallagher – This book explains what is at the core of sexual sin, and helps readers break free from the grips of pornography. Available at Christian bookstores, or by calling Pure Life Ministries at 888-293-8714, or www.purelifeministries.org. 

• COUNSELING
These ministries specialize in recovery from sexual addiction:

Pure Life Ministries
Aimed primarily at men, they are counseling women, too. 800-635-1866. 
www.purelifeministries.org.

Setting Captives Free
Offers online programs geared at battling sexual sin. 
www.settingcaptivesfree.com

Pure Intimacy
A project of Focus on the Family, this gives information on pornography and sexual addiction. www.pureintimacy.org.