Don Wildmon
AFA/AFR founder
Editor’s note: The following column is satire.
July 2007 – There is a group of individuals who are victims of persecution by our society. They are kleptomaniacs. A kleptomaniac is a person who has an irresistible desire to steal. Sociological studies have proven that 1 of every 10 people is a kleptomaniac. But because they are a small minority, they continue to suffer from the misguided efforts of society to punish them.
Despite the fact that they are born with this desire, society punishes them for practicing their desire. Laws are stacked against them. “Christian” leaders constantly condemn kleptomaniacs by twisting the Bible to say what they want it to say. Thus, this innocent minority is made to suffer simply because society sees them as a threat to established morals.
Indeed, they are one of the most persecuted groups in our society, persecuted simply because they are different. Instead of acceptance and tolerance, they suffer discrimination and condemnation. God has made kleptomaniacs the way they are. It is behavior they cannot, and should not, deny.
Kleptomaniacs are persecuted for behavior they can’t help. It is time for the American Psychological Association to declare that being a kleptomaniac is a normal lifestyle. Society’s hateful, mean and bigoted attitude toward kleptomaniacs is a reflection of narrow-minded ignorance.
Kleptomaniacs are denied the freedom to live their lives as God made them, simply because of a misinterpretation of the Bible by a handful of ignorant “fundamentalist” preachers preaching a worn-out message of hate. Although one of the Ten Commandments says we should not steal, that commandment is clearly meant for the majority of us who are not created as kleptomaniacs.
Laws prohibiting kleptomania are discriminatory, unjust and out of date for a progressive society. These laws should be erased from the books so that kleptomaniacs can live a full, productive and meaningful life. They have much to contribute. Indeed, a study of history shows that kleptomaniacs have made tremendous contributions.
We should remember another group which, until recently, faced the same problems as the kleptomaniacs. They are called homosexuals. Fortunately, our society is working hard now to make up for the mistreatment of homosexuals by giving them special rights. Surely we can extend the same rights to kleptomaniacs as we do to homosexuals.
It is time for kleptomaniacs to come out of the closet and demand their special rights. I’m sure the homosexuals will help them secure those rights. 
