May 2009 –Inside she was simmering, only seconds away from erupting. The anger was so intense. But somehow she had to regain control of herself. If she could only get to her room and shut the door. 

Finally … silence … a razor … then a sweet release. It was her calm after the storm.

The sun after the rain shone bright red in her dark bedroom as she fumbled for a box of Band-Aids to clot the blood and bandage the pain of her self-inflicted wounds. 

Meet 15-year-old Courtney (not her real name). She’s a cutter.

• • •

Courtney is one of about two million in the U. S. who are self-injurers – people who physically abuse themselves as a means of coping with overwhelming emotions. But it’s likely that the number is higher since most self-injuries are unreported. 

“Some reference sites indicate that the majority of people who engage in this type of addictive behavior are predominantly female teenagers and young adults, while other sites indicate that both genders, ranging in age from 14 to 60 self-injure,” as explained at www.helpguide.org. 

While there are numerous ways for a person to injure herself – from burning oneself to pulling out hair to punching walls to not eating – cutting is the most common. A cutter uses sharp objects such as knives, razor blades, needles and fingernails to cut her body.

“Experts call cutting ‘the new anorexia’ because, like an eating disorder, it is a self-destructive attempt to control painful thoughts and unexpressed emotions,” wrote former cutter Rachel Zoller in an article titled “A Window Into a Cutter’s World” (www.pluggedinonline.com).

When did it begin?
The coping mechanism of self-injury isn’t new. It has existed for a long time for a variety of reasons, according to Dr. Edward T. Welch, a counselor and faculty member at the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF). Welch wrote an 11-page article titled “Self-Injury: When Pain Feels Good” in the Winter 2004 issue of The Journal of Biblical Counseling, available at www.ccef.org/topics/counseling/self-injury. 

Welch writes how self-injury dates back to ancient idol worshippers who are referenced in 1 Kings 18:28 as people who used swords and spears to slash themselves until they bled as a means of appeasing their god. It also has its roots in self-flagellation as a common form of Christian penance in the Middle Ages. Shiite Muslims and devout Hindus practice self-mortification publicly, while the American culture indulges more private forms of self-abuse and self-denial. 

In January, Dare2Share (D2S) Ministries predicted five adolescent trends to watch for in 2009. The fifth prediction was that “self-harm will gain increasing acceptance among teens.”  

What’s it about?
Understanding and dealing with self-injury is complicated. Welch’s article is the main reference for the remainder of this piece. (The content is used with permission from CCEF.) His explanation gets to the core of the matter, while revealing a heart condition that is common to all people.

First, according to Welch, self-injury doesn’t always mean suicidal behavior.

For example, “Those who purposefully cut an artery are trying to kill themselves. They want life to be over. Cutters tend to be more careful about where or how deeply they cut. They just want to feel better,” Welch writes. 

Secondly, this abusive behavior is a cycle. Stress leads to cutting, then relief. When the same emotions fester, the cycle begins again. 

Thirdly, the self-injurer thinks:  

▶ “I am guilty. I must be punished.”
▶ “I am not perfect.” 
▶ “They are right; I deserve this.”
▶ “I am angry.”
▶ “I can’t feel this way any longer. Hurting myself is the only way to stop my feelings.”
▶ “I feel out of control (and other people have been in control). This way I can gain control (and no one can stop me).”
▶ “Words cannot express my pain.”
▶ “Help!”

Whether it’s a troubled relationship, a shameful situation, an assumed violation of a taboo, or a person’s inability to tolerate his own imperfections and sin, they all produce raw emotions that can eventually lead to excruciating and unbearable agitation. 

“Without alternatives, self-injury gradually becomes the preferred response to these feelings because it works, …” according to Welch. “In fact, like a diabetic giving herself an injection, it can feel like a temporary cure,” which is part of the problem. 

However, when the short-term cure fades, the inner turmoil starts again because the heart has not been reconciled to God. It’s only been medicated with a coping mechanism. 

People employ coping mechanisms all the time. However not all are physically self-destructive like cutting, but they still serve the same purpose – to cover up the deeper issue of sin. That’s why simply ending self-destructive actions isn’t enough nor does it mean the problem has been solved. 

 According to Welch, “[A]ll self-injury is an attempt to make life work without turning to God and trusting Him. … Even though we might nudge the knowledge of God to the margins of our lives, everything we do relates to Him, including self-injury. Self-injury is, at its root, about God. Avoid Him, and we miss true hope.”

We all have a natural tendency to function apart from Christ, to take control of our own lives. Courtney admits that control was the reason she cut herself. 

“I was so mad,” she said, “I couldn’t feel [the physical pain]. It didn’t hurt. … I think cutting myself was more of a way to take control [of my anger] ” … and her life.

“God tells us to come to Him with empty hands, but we want to wait until we feel more worthy,” Welch explains. 

A quest for control and a sense of worthiness go hand-in-hand. For the cutter, self-injury is an attempt to commend herself to God. 

Welch writes to the self-injurer: “You have it partly right: when you feel wrong or unclean, blood is the answer. Actually, death is the answer, and blood symbolizes this price that must be paid for our guilt. What you deny is that only Jesus’ death is able to truly wash our souls.” 

What’s the solution?
As sinners, we try to add human effort to the Gospel and earn the free gift of salvation.

“A great gift calls attention to the generosity of the giver. It reminds us that we could not secure the gift on our own,” Welch explains. “This means that any response to God’s gift, other than thankfulness and praise, demeans the generosity of the giver and exaggerates our moral ability to contribute to the gift’s cost. It means that we are looking at what we do rather than what God has done.” 

That’s why Welch says that crying out to God, confessing sin and trusting God’s promises are critical steps that lead to the true Healer. Welch offers these challenges to help the cutter put faith into action: 

▶ Do you want to change?
▶ Allow other people in.
▶ Grow in honesty.
▶ Feed yourself with Scripture.
▶ Find good books that communicate clearly about God’s grace.
▶ Anticipate situations. 
▶ Search the Psalms to give voice to your heart. 
▶ Write out the meaning and purpose of your self-injury. 
▶ When you fail, don’t lose hope.
▶ If you keep moving back into self-injury, notice how your behavior is more intentional than it seems. 
▶ Now that you know God’s mercy, you are free to consider the way you have sinned against other people. 
▶ Find ways to show you love others. 
▶ Attend a church that worships Jesus. 
▶ Pattern your personal reflections after the Psalms. 

And remember … “[I]t is the direction of your path more than how perfect you are on it that makes the difference,” Welch concludes.    

The reality of cutting By Sarah Burpo
When Lizzie (not her real name) first confided in me about cutting, I was shocked. I’d never heard of it. I was terrified for her. I wasn’t even sure how often she cut herself or how deep she went when she did. 

She constantly complained about her looks and always compared herself to other girls. But I never thought she would try to physically harm her body, as a result. I didn’t know what to do. 

By the time Lizzie told me, she had stopped cutting, but I was still wary if she really had or not. It’s like when an addict says he has stopped drinking or using drugs; you still wonder out of concern. 

Thankfully, Lizzie really did stop, after she received help and counseling from leaders in her church. 

To this day we have a great friendship, and she hasn’t struggled with cutting since junior high – about eight years ago. Both Lizzie and I are now able to help others struggling with cutting. We realize that love and understanding can help people get through it … although Christ is their only hope.

Sarah Burpo is a college student and a part-time AFA staff member.