By Mary Faulds, AFA Journal staff writer

May 2010 – My journey to motherhood has been a long one, but not because I’m well advanced in years. My mom has told me that even from the youngest age I desired to be a mother. She told me that I announced one day that I wanted to be a “princess missionary mommy.” I know that I put mommy on that list last because it was the most important.

The real purpose of this little bit of prose was to describe how motherhood has surprised me and changed me, but I would be remiss if I didn’t include the real miracle that having my own biological children is.

In 1998, I was nearly 19 when doctors discovered that I carried an 18-lb. abdominal tumor. It was a shock to everyone, except me. I knew something wasn’t right when I had been gaining weight for a year with no discernable reason.

Doctors were concerned that my tumor was cancerous, based on its rapid growth. I remember the surgeon telling my parents and me that she would be as conservative as possible when she opened me up. She didn’t know what she was going to find. The night before the surgery was the first time I actually started to worry, but it wasn’t about cancer. During those dark hours, I cried out to God to let me have my own children.

The tumor came out, along with one ovary and fallopian tube and my appendix. The surgery was uneventful and ended positively. No cancer. The surgeon, who was also an OB-GYN, told me, “I don’t want to see you again for another 10 years when you are having a baby.” I really hoped it wouldn’t be that long.

Fast-forward to 2006. I said “I do” to a wonderful man, Eric. We had decided that we wouldn’t actively prevent me getting pregnant because I had no idea how I had healed from my surgery and if I had any scarring that would affect my fertility. However, God is merciful and gracious. We were married in March and found out I was pregnant in May.

Ashton was born on our 10-month anniversary. He was only 6 months old when we found out that I was pregnant again. Kaley was born exactly 13 months after her brother. We are greatly blessed.

I’ve heard that many mothers-to-be are shocked when those little bundles finally arrive. I have to admit that I wasn’t completely caught off guard. I am the eldest of three, and I was 6 years old when my youngest sibling, a brother, was born.

Maybe my mom and dad don’t realize this, but my brother taught me at a very early age what it is like to have a baby. He cried – a lot. He made messes in his diapers – a lot. He kept me awake during the night – a lot.

Now I’m sure that this is probably all exaggerated by my six-year-old mentality at the time, but it was helpful. I knew what to expect. I knew there would be lots of crying, messy diapers and weary nights. I also knew that the title of “mommy” would be mine forever, but a few surprise labels came along with motherhood.

Selfless
One of the most selfless times I think a mother endures is when she is about to give birth. With Ashton’s birth, I really understood that kind of sacrifice. Things had been progressing steadily and normally, until about six hours into labor. Even with my epidural, I began to feel pain and get sick to my stomach. While the nurse was checking me, alarms began to beep. Suddenly, my doctor and a multitude of medical personnel invaded my room.

The doctor looked quickly at the heart monitor for my son and said to us that Ashton needed to come out now. I needed an emergency caesarian section because his heart rate was very low and he was losing oxygen. In those moments, you barely have time to pray. Within four minutes, Ashton was born. The last thing I remember before I was under general anesthesia was a quick prayer for my baby’s safety.

At that moment, I wasn’t even thinking about my own safety or well-being. The only thing that mattered was that my baby be born and get the help he needed. The Lord had His hand over us that day. Ashton was born, healthy and loud. I didn’t get to meet him until about five or six hours later, but it was worth that wait.

Worry wart
I never knew as a child how many near heart attacks I probably gave my parents while I grew up. Simple things like jumping on the bed have taken on a whole new meaning to me. I wondered as a child why my parents would yell at me for doing that. Today, I see my kids jumping on the bed, and I picture them falling off and breaking an arm. It’s my turn to yell now!

In all seriousness though, I have worried about the safety of my kids a million times over, and they are only 2 and 3! Between crib recalls and chemicals in plastic bottles, between regular check-ups with the pediatrician and worries over H1N1, it is enough for all parents to call it a daily success when they put their children to bed safely. But beyond that, I have a God Who is awesome in His tender care of us. We are all secure in His hand.

Cry baby
I’m not the most sentimental type, but I am emotional. It is probably a well-known fact that pregnant women cry easily. It should be a well-known fact that mothers cry even more so.

From the moment I found out I was expecting each of my children, I cried with anticipation and excitement. I cried when my daughter was born because it was the first birth I had ever experienced. Her howls were the most precious noise to my ears, and I can hear them to this day.

I cried when they tried to start walking. I’ve teared up when they spoon-fed themselves. I even get a little misty when they climb up into my lap and sit to watch TV contentedly.

These days, however, the tears still flow, but not for such sentimental reasons. My tears recently have been tears of frustration. We are in the midst of potty training Ashton. For those who have never been there, let me just say that it is impossible to make a child use the bathroom when he doesn’t want to. No amount of encouraging, bribing, cajoling or threatening will do any good.

While Ashton has been a handful in the bathroom, my daughter Kaley has been a handful everywhere else. She flies into a raging fit at the drop of a hat, and there seems to be no real reason behind it. She can be very hard to calm down, and by the end we are both weary.

One thing has brought me comfort though, the thought of knowing that my Lord hears those silent (and sometimes not so silent) tears I cry and is moved with compassion for me. He knows all too well the rebellion of His creation and the pain that it causes. Thankfully, I know that the Lord blesses in spite of my shortcomings and frailties as a mom.

Prayer warrior
I found the Lord at a very young age, and He became then like an imaginary friend to whom I could tell everything. As I grew, I told Jesus about my school and how I wanted someone to be my friend. I also prayed for my sister and brother, that they would listen to me when Mom and Dad left me in charge.

In my teen years, the prayers came from a deeper place. I prayed about my many broken hearts. But one theme remained through all those years – my prayers were about me and what I wanted. That all changed when I got pregnant for the first time.

I realized that now I was responsible for someone else’s well-being, physically and spiritually. I started praying for my children’s spouses, knowing that they may not even be born yet. I pray that my children will find Jesus at a young age.

From hearing others’ testimonies, I know how precious salvation is when you are saved out of a bad situation. But I also know the protection that was there for me when I was growing up. God preserved from corruption so many parts of my mind and body for His service.

I do still pray for myself, but often that is child-focused. I pray for strength, patience, creativity and consistency in my parenting.

I said earlier that I wasn’t surprised by a lot in the realm of parenting, but maybe that isn’t entirely true. Motherhood isn’t entirely what I expected, but it is more than I ever imagined, because I know that I have two precious children at home who run to me when I open the door and they call me Mommy.    

Mom, you're not alone
MOPS (Mothers Of Preschoolers) International www.mops.org
This group meets in local chapters, usually at churches. It is great to just get away for a little while and talk with moms who are in the same boat. Many of the chapters offer free babysitting during the meetings.

OneMillionMoms.com
Are you tired of all of the trash on television? You can make your voice heard by advertisers who support those programs. You can also join the OMM community. It’s a safe place to talk with other moms about the issues that concern you.