By Mary Faulds, AFA Journal staff writer

March 2011 – The Billy Graham Association conducted a survey recently and the results should be disheartening to Christians. Of people in the Builder Generation, also known as the Greatest Generation, 65% profess to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. But the slide is steep from there. About 35% of Baby Boomers profess faith in Christ, 15% of Generation X, and only 4% of Generation Y.

Why the dramatic drop? According to the 2000 census, the majority of children at that time came from single or blended families. Jim Weidmann, executive director of Heritage Builders, said this causes a society in which people don’t have good faith mentors in their lives, so they don’t know how to model faith to their children. “A statistic quoted by a pastor in Texas was that only 10% of parents talk to their kids about spiritual things,” said Weidmann. “That means 90% don’t!”

Weidmann said one surefire way to stop the hemorrhage of faith in Christ in this nation is for men to take on their God-given duty and become spiritual leaders in their homes. He shared the following thoughts with AFA Journal.

AFA Journal: How can a father start to establish himself as the spiritual leader of his home when he didn’t have that kind of guidance from his parents?
Jim Weidmann: It is sort of a “seek Me, and you will find Me” kind of thing. There has to be an investment to understand that he needs to break the cycle of non-spiritual discipline in the home. I share a concept that many Christian counselors use: a triangle with God at the top, the husband on the left, and the wife on the right.

Basically that is a picture of spiritual leadership in the home. I go down to the husband and draw a triangle around the “H.” There are three critical components that the man is responsible for before he can move up to a closer relationship with God. First, the guy has to get into the Word of God. He has to know Scripture so he can teach truth in a culture of cowards. We now live in a culture where what is good is called evil and evil good. In other words, what is legal is not moral … homosexuality, abortion, pornography, just part of the list.

Second, he has to be a man of integrity. It is interesting that when you become the spiritual leader in the home, there is no such thing as hypocrisy. You can’t say something to your wife and be something different, because she knows you. It’s the same with your kids. If you are in God’s Word, and that transformation is occurring because of the Holy Spirit moving through God’s Word, then it should be reflected in how you live. You have to be a man of integrity living out God’s Word.

The third piece is to be the spiritual leader. This involves three responsibilities to your children: to love them, discipline them and teach them the ways of God. It also involves three responsibilities to your wife: to love her, protect her and provide for her.

AFAJ: How does a husband move his wife into a deeper relationship with God?
JW: His first goal is that of oneness. The man’s responsibility is to bring his wife into the presence of God as a couple as often as possible. They can do it in prayer or devotions. Before I leave the house every day, I pray with my wife. In fact, we try to get a devotional, and we read a devotional every day. It’s amazing to me, but I can tell a difference when she and I have not had that devotional to start the day. At night we pray together, so we bookend the day in prayer.

The next is the responsibility to nurture her soul. Each of us has been given spiritual gifts to use for the kingdom. One of my wife’s gifts is the gift of mercy. She’s a phenomenal mother, very nurturing. When our kids started leaving home, that transition was really hard on her. I began to pray, “God, how can I fill her cup spiritually?” Then she got a call from a local MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group to be a mentor mom. Now, I have a couple of speaking engagements at some local MOPS groups with my wife because that’s how she fills her soul.

The third is to love your wife. The Bible is very clear that the wife is to respect her husband, but that the husband is called to love his wife. What does that look like in biblical terms? Basically that means you have to understand your wife. You have to understand her needs and her love language. Go to Gary Smalley’s book, The Five Love Languages, to figure out what it is.

AFAJ: What about single parents, particularly single moms? What can they do for spiritual leadership when there is no man in the house?
JW: The Bible talks about the head of household, but if there is no father, then she takes on that responsibility to love, discipline and teach her children spiritual principles. Let me just give you an example. There was this lady who had five kids and she was working three jobs just to support them because her husband was gone. She wanted to spend time with her kids and encourage them in their spiritual walk. So she gave each child his own night. And at nine o’clock, she would spend an hour with that child. She would talk to them, find out what was going on with their lives and then she would pray for them. Then at the end of the week, she would take one kid out for breakfast. That was all she could do because she was working three jobs! However, she was intentional in making sure she spent time to have a spiritual impact through prayer.

AFAJ: In a good situation where both parents are there, what can wives do to support their husbands to be the spiritual leader of their home?
JW: They can enter into conversations, and make decisions together. If they aren’t doing anything, they need to do something. Are they going to do family nights? Are they going to do family devotionals? Pray together as a family at night? They need to put together a plan to make sure that spiritual discussion and teaching are going on in the home. If the husband is not familiar with that, the parents need to begin the journey together to look for things that will work for them.

The second thing is that the wife needs to encourage her husband. I had great parents, but they delegated spiritual teaching to the church. So I remember my kids came down one day, a Sunday morning, they were five, three and one, and they were crying, “We don’t want to go to church.”

I said, “What do you mean you don’t want to go to church?”

They said, “We’ve heard the Noah story so many times we don’t want to hear it again.” It was one of those pregnant pauses that God used to take a spiritual 2x4 to whap me upside the head. He basically said, “You are your children’s youth pastor, not the guy at church!” So I had to go and put a plan together and that’s where family nights came from.

I remember my first attempt at a family night. My thought process was, “OK, I’m going to do this, but my wife knows Scripture better than I do. If I stumble and I fall and she shuts me down, then this is over and done.” But my wife didn’t do that, she encouraged me, she said it was fantastic and she talked about it for the next three days. That was all it took for me to get launched.

AFAJ: What kind of resources are there for those fathers who aren’t sure what to do or those who are looking for new ideas?
JW: There are great devotionals that are in Christian bookstores that are one year devotionals that have stories with a biblical principle. Dad can read the story, read the verse and then ask questions. We have Family Night books at our Web site, www.heritagebuilders.com. There are 12 books in the series. They were written to train the trainers. What we do is write the books, tell you the questions, give you the answers, give you the Scripture, and give you the point! So a dad can have just 15 minutes prep time and be ready to share God’s Word with his family effectively.

AFAJ: Any other helpful hints?
JW: We at Heritage Builders have helped fathers by developing a plan to be successful spiritual leaders in the home. Fathers need to know that there are four key things to focus on. First, the environment. If your home life is chaos, then you cannot communicate moral truths to the family. Second, traditions. Traditions with spiritual milestones can help move your child through the spiritual maturation process. Third, family compass, a standard on which to determine what is right and wrong. For my family, it is the Apostles’ Creed. The last is family moments. You capture and create them in the everydayness of life. God has to be part of your everyday conversation.   

AFA resource: Fathers of Vision
This DVD series will help fathers become who God calls them to be. Mothers and children will learn how to support one another toward this vision. Children also will be challenged toward godliness, both now and as they look to God to build their own families in the future.

Family members can learn and interact together, encouraging family growth. Hear the vision; pray about God’s vision for your family; and then implement His vision for your family together.

Suggested donation: $19.95 for the four DVD set. To learn more or to order: afastore.net or 662-844-5036,
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