June 2013 – Amy wasn’t surprised when Camila confessed to her that her son Lorenzo had been arrested on drug charges. The news about the 16-year-old had spread quickly through the community. 

But what Amy wasn’t expecting when she and her new neighbor met while parking their garbage containers at the curb, was Camila’s disclosure about her boyfriend’s abuse, her deep financial problems, her struggles as a single mother and her problems with Lorenzo and his little sister. Through tears, her whole sad story spilled out. 

Amy prayed silently as she listened, but because she knew so little about Camila, she was unsure how to respond. All Amy knew was that Camila worked two jobs so Lorenzo could be on a select soccer team, but she knew nothing about Camila’s beliefs and values. That’s why in the moment, saying something like “trust God” seemed a bit hollow. 

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Even in post-Christian America, “lov[ing] your neighbor” (Matthew 22:39) can begin with a sympathetic ear and a prayerful heart. But when believers begin to understand the beliefs, fears and hopes of their neighbors, Christian love can find expression in even more tangible ways and result in opportunities to share the gospel. Toward that end, a recent study from the University of Virginia may help. 

In Culture of American Families, UVA’s Institute for Advanced Studies in Culture sheds light on the complexities of “family cultures” in 21st century America. Family culture is the complex “moral ecology” of a family that emerges from parents’ bedrock values, ideals and practices. 

Based on a three-year study of 3,000 parents of school-aged children, four contemporary family cultures are identified: the Faithful, the Engaged Progressives, the Detached and the American Dreamers. What follows is a limited profile of each group. For a more complete look at the study, go here.

The Faithful
Whether Christian, Jewish or Muslim, the Faithful believe that timeless truth comes from a divine, external source. This 20% of parents see the past, present and future through the lens of their theology.

Two-thirds of the Faithful are white; 16% Hispanic; and 11% black. Eighty-eight percent are married, 74% to their first partner. The Faithful are heavily concentrated in the South and sparse in New England and on the Pacific coast.

Nearly half (49%) of the Faithful say their religion “is the most important thing in their life.” Four out of five (82%) attend religious services weekly. Nearly all (90%) believe in moral absolutes. 

The Faithful see their parenting role as “director of children’s development more than caretaker of their discovery gardens.” Raising “children whose lives reflect God’s purpose” is a more important parenting goal than their children’s eventual happiness or career success.

Although they generally see the larger world in strong decline since their own childhoods, they believe their children share their view of right and wrong. Most talk frequently to their children about matters of faith.

Engaged Progressives
At the opposite end of the moral spectrum, the Engaged Progressives hold few absolutes beyond the “golden rule” and “not directly harming others.” Rather than being guided by an external code, this group of parents (21%) call on their own experience and what “feels right” to promote their preeminent virtues of personal freedom and responsibility. Sixty percent agree that the “greatest moral virtue is to be honest about your feelings and desires.”

Demographically, the Engaged Progressives are 71% white; 17% Hispanic; and 2% black. Half either live in New England, the Mid-Atlantic coast or the Pacific coast. Eighty percent are married, 63% to their first spouse. 

Engaged Progressives overwhelmingly describe their relationship to their children as “very close,” thus the moniker, engaged. Most say they are less strict than their own parents. They are far less concerned than the Faithful about the morality of entertainment products or the sexual practices of teens.

The Detached
This group, comprised of 19% of parents in the study, can be characterized as morally overwhelmed, uncertain and unresolved. To the Detached, the right to retreat is a highly valued freedom, even in their parenting. The study describes them as “lack[ing] the vision, vitality, certainty and self-confidence required to embrace any agenda.”

Two-thirds (65%) of the Detached are white, 17% Hispanic and 10% black. On a whole they have less education and income than the Faithful and the Engaged Progressives. The Detached are fairly equally distributed around the nation. Sixty-seven percent of the Detached are married, 54% in their first marriage. 

The Detached are motivated more by peer influence than by principle. They also report less happiness in their marriages and less satisfaction in their parenting than the other groups. 

Their low level of parental efficacy is manifest in low expectations for the morals and character of their children. For example, only 35% of the Detached consider honesty in their children to be “absolutely essential,” compared to 83% of other parents in the survey. 

The American Dreamers
American Dreamers comprise the largest (27%) family culture. Also, they are the only group with a majority of minority parents: 26% Hispanic; 22% black; 7% other minority designation and 7% white. 

Like the Detached, American Dreamers are generally on the lower end of the education and income scale. Unlike the Detached, Dreamers pour themselves into their families. They also report a high level of protecting their children against negative influences, as well as a heavy investment in their children’s moral character. 

To some degree, family looks different in this group with a large percentage of parents (64%) unmarried – meaning divorced, separated or never married. These unmarried parents are disproportionately women. Of the married, 55% are still married to their first spouse. Twenty-seven percent of the Dreamers have divorced.

Their hope for their children’s future is largely due to their faith in the power of education, especially the public school system. The survey revealed that 92% of Dreamer parents say it is “very important, if not essential,” that their children become highly educated, compared to 71% of parents in the other groups. 

Dreamer parents are split about evenly in saying their top priority as a parent is “raising children whose lives will reflect God’s will and purpose” (36%), and giving their children “the kind of love and affection that will nurture happiness, positive feelings about themselves and warm relationships with others” (35%).  

How you can use this study
1) Prayerfully examine your own “family culture” and parenting. Helpful resources:

• Parenting isn’t for Cowards by Dr. James Dobson. Available at AFA Store.
• Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp. Available at local or online booksellers. 

2) With humility pray and serve your neighbors. Be ready to share Christ. Helpful resources:

• Ultimate Questions by John Blanchard – a booklet-length gospel presentation that can be downloaded at here or purchased at local or online book sellers. 
• The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy J. Keller – book, DVD and study guide aimed at overcoming common contemporary objections to Christianity. Learn more here. Widely available at local or online Christian booksellers.

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More study highlights
▶ A gap exists between parents’ perceptions of their children and data from other respected sources. For example: based upon parents’ survey responses, only 10% of teenagers ever drink alcohol. However, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention say 72% of all high school students have tried alcohol. Likewise, parents sense a crisis in parenting in general and a moral decline in society. However, a majority say their own families and children are doing extremely well.
▶ The study confirms a transformation in parenting that scholars have noted for several decades – spending time with children “at their level” is replacing traditional parental roles of teaching, guiding and discipline.