Rebecca Grace
AFA Journal staff writer
September 2006 – When it comes to shopping for the perfect pair of prom shoes, not many teen girls would consider their grandmother’s closet their fashion headquarters. But for Kellum sisters Darby, 17, and Tyler, 18, it’s their one-stop shop for shoes, vintage clothing and a whole lot of memories.
“She’s so stylish,” Darby said of her grandmother, Joyce Gravlee, more affectionately known as GG to her five grandchildren and their friends.
GG’s house is more than just a fashion hub. It’s an intergenerational haven of Biblical mentoring, spiritual discipline, and unconditional love – elements crucial to the development of grandchildren.
Whether the nation’s 56 million grandparents realize it or not, they have the opportunity and blessing to foster relationships with their grandchildren that can be life changing for the entire family.
The value of influence
“Grandparents have life experiences that need to be passed on,” said Dennis Rainey, executive director of FamilyLife, in a 2002 radio broadcast. “Your children and your grandchildren are your legacy, and they are a gift from God.”
According to author Morris Massey, as paraphrased by Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D., in her book titled Generation Me, “our value systems are set in childhood and don’t change much thereafter.”
Therefore, grandparents can influence their grandchildren from birth. How active a role they will play in their grandchildren’s lives is determined through cooperation between grandparents and parents.
“One of my goals as a grandmother is to reinforce the training our grandchildren receive from their parents,” said Sandra Ray, better known by her four grandchildren as Nana. “I think more of our ministry to these children is that we are an extension of their parents,” which involves cultivating a relationship that is grounded in love, discipline, fun and intentional involvement.
The value of love and involvement
“[Their grandfather and I] made sure that we were involved in whatever they did,” Gravlee said. “If they sang, we were there to hear them. If they didn’t do anything but just stand up there, we were there.”
Ray added, “I love attending everything they do … just so they can look out in the audience and see grandmother’s face there.”
Not only is the presence of a grandparent in a child’s life reassuring, it is an expression of love. According to Zero to Three, an organization that functions as a leading resource on the early years of life, grandparental involvement is also a factor in a child’s social development.
“Love and affection is the No. 1 ingredient children need to develop optimally,” according to a research-based article titled “Simply Grand: The Importance of Grandparents,” by Dawn Marie Barhyte.
“Grandparents instill unconditional love,” Barhyte wrote. “That love, coupled with grandparents’ trademark patience, can help children to trust others, become more independent and take initiative. This dynamic does wonders for a child’s self-esteem.
“[Plus] children are forming beliefs about themselves early in life, and when grandparents are available to provide comfort, kids feel safe, secure and loveable. The undivided, no-strings attention helps bolster competence, too.”
“I think they need to know we love them. They need to know God loves them. They need to know other people love them,” Ray explained. “But they also need to know it is not all about them. … I know He [God] does not want them to feel like they are little people on a pedestal.
“There are other people in this world, and they need to see in grandparents’ lives that they have a love for them,” Ray added. “They also need to see us loving other people … reading our Bibles … praying.”
And it is such actions that Darby and Tyler witnessed in the life of their GG over the years.
“Every Christmas we would go visit a family or a couple and bring them clothes and bring their grandchildren clothes,” Tyler said. “We did that for years.”
“[And] any time there are guests here she makes it like they are part of the family,” Darby added. She is so willing to invest her time in relationships, simply out of love.
The value of time
“And the grandparent has something that parents don’t have enough of today – T-I-M-E. They have time,” Rainey said.
“Grandparents have slowed the pace so that they can connect heart-to-heart,” Rainey continued. “Not just to give them candy and not just to spoil them or to indulge them but to build memories intentionally, to build relationships intentionally, and to pass on the experience of God in our hearts to our grandchildren as well” – which is exactly what Gravlee and Ray did from the very beginning.
Soon after the birth of their first grandchild, who is now 30, Gravlee and her husband, Guy, decided to set Tuesday nights aside for their grandchildren. The grandchildren would spend the night with the Gravlees and during that time they would do a number of things such as going out for hamburgers, having a picnic in front of the TV, sleeping on a pallet in the Gravlees’ bedroom, shopping at the mall and even having breakfast with their great-grandmother the following morning before going to school.
But what became most meaningful to the grandchildren was the 10-minute devotional Gravlee would have with the children before bed, and it carried over into their teen years.
“The girls would be on their cell phones, and I would hear them say, ‘I’ll call you back in a little while,’” Gravlee recalled. “‘It’s time for GG to have her devotional.’”
“That is when we really got to talk about our spiritual walk,” Tyler said. Gravlee and Guy, taught the grandchildren that their relationship with Christ is of utmost importance. She continues to encourage them through Scripture and holds them accountable in their Bible studies.
Tyler said, “I don’t know what kind of person I’d be without her. It’s just who I am.”
Ray gives her grandchildren the same opportunity for spiritual growth. Every Wednesday afternoon, Ray picks up her three elementary-aged granddaughters from school. After a quick stop for Happy Meals, Ray takes the girls to her house for prayer and Bible study. They also make time for homework before their moms pick them up for choir practice.
Most recently, Ray and the girls studied a Biblical perspective of manners and what it means to receive God’s love. She also keeps a cabinet full of art supplies for the girls.
“They just love having their time,” Ray said.
When it comes to her two-year-old grandson, she spends time doing more simple things with him such as listening to Bible songs with him, taking him to feed the ducks and making time for him to go fishing with his grandfather.
The value of investing
Ray believes it comes down to time, love and the overwhelming desire for her grandchildren to grow up to be Godly men and women through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ – a desire equally shared by Gravlee.
“The best thing a grandmother can do for her grandchildren is to pray for and with them,” she explained, which is one vital way to invest in their lives particularly when distance is a factor.
“Even with grandchildren out of town, you can still be a part [of their lives], especially now with e-mails and text messages, …” Gravlee said.
“Whatever you decide to do to cultivate closeness with your grandchildren, there’s nothing more special than that personal phone call,” according to Christian Parenting Today magazine. “Hearing Grandma or Grandpa’s voice may be just what a child needs on that particular day.”
And the need goes both ways.
“Whether grandparents live near or far, they have a vital role in child development and can sweeten a child’s life,” Barhyte concluded from various researchers. “It’s crucial to actively promote this intergenerational bond and consider the positive impact it holds for a child’s future” – specifically his eternity. 
