Rebecca Grace

AFA Journal staff writer

August 2009 – “I’ve never had to work so hard to marry a couple,” teased Ed Vitagliano, during the weeks leading up to my wedding. 

“And I’ve never had to work so hard to make a decision,” I thought to myself, knowing Ed, a pastor, my co-worker and our premarital counselor, was referring to all the questions I’d been asking about God’s will.  

I’ve always assumed – and hoped – there would be a day when I would meet “the one” and “just know” immediately that he was the man with whom I’d spend the rest of my life. 

But it didn’t work that way for me. Thus began an agonizing journey of finding God’s will, specifically regarding an amazing man named John who came into my life over two years ago. 

What if I missed God’s will or made the wrong decision? What if I misunderstood God, His signs and nudges? What if this wasn’t what God wanted for me? What if … what if … what if? 

Those were the thoughts swirling through my head daily, and they paralyzed me. Why did finding God’s will seem like looking for a needle in a haystack? Because … I was going about it the wrong way, wanting God’s will to appear mysteriously, without applying wisdom or faith.

Because of my wrong view of God, He has been kind to teach me the worth of His Word, the wealth of His wisdom, the power of prayer, the purpose of His providence, the security of His sovereignty, the cover of Godly counsel – and how all of these work together to form a model for Biblical decision-making.

I’m learning to trust Him by attempting to make decisions based on the objective truths of His Word, which means: 1) obeying His clear commands in Scripture; 2) learning and applying Christian principles of behavior; 3) praying for and using Godly wisdom from the Bible; 4) crucifying my will; and 5) seeking Godly counsel from trusted mature Christians.

“When God decides to circumvent this normal operating procedure we must assume that He will make His purpose clear,” Ed explained, along with the previous five points.    

Coming to this understanding has been extremely difficult for me. It’s challenged my trust in God. Yet I praise Him that His mercies are new every day, and I thank Him for directing my steps to AFA five years ago. 

Along with my family and close friends, the AFA Journal staff became the prayer warriors and Godly counselors I needed to help me make one of the most significant decisions of my life. It’s been a real picture of iron sharpening iron.

My time writing for the AFA Journal, which comes to an end with this issue because of my decision to marry John and join him in ministry, has been the most formative of my spiritual journey. 

I’ve been exposed to a hurting world through the issues about which I’ve written. New burdens for the lost and a compassion for orphans have been cultivated in my heart. My personal beliefs about God have been challenged for the good. I’ve learned about healthy marriages and families. I’ve experienced the blessing of being a co-laborer with Godly men and women for the glory of God. 

Most importantly, I’ve realized – by the grace and gift of God – that the object of my saving faith is Christ, Himself, and God’s glorious work on the cross – not my quest to do right out of fear of doing wrong.  

My self-righteous strivings must continually cease as I learn to trust in God’s wisdom and grace one decision at a time … beginning with “I do.”