Nicholas H. Dean

AFA Journal/Engage magazine staff writer

February 2014 – In a culture that encourages shallow encounters and fleeting romances, relationships too often do not reflect any modicum of commitment. But personal relationships are not the only relationships falling short. Church involvement and relationships with fellow believers often follow this same model of surface level encounters and short-term participation.

Warm fuzzies
In his book The Wisdom of Stability, author Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove shares a brief anecdote of Will, a young family man who had spent the past year at a new church. After having moved his family in search of a “church that takes community seriously,” Will was grateful for his year at the new church.

However, he still felt he wasn’t experiencing what he expected. As Wilson-Hartgrove put it, “Frankly, Will had hoped for more.”

Now, this young man might have had misgivings for a number of reasons, but one thing is certain: the warm fuzzy feelings had worn off.

And so it is with church going these days. Church involvement seems to be following the same model as modern dating and marriage conventions, which is to say self-serving. When the warm fuzzy feelings go, so too does the would-be faithful church member. And church is thus reduced to a revolving door.

Reasons for leaving
Why is it so easy to walk out the door in search of what’s next? Fear is one reason. Many believers fear fellowship of substance and depth, for with it comes accountability. But we need accountability because without it, there is nothing to keep us from walking out the church doors when those warm fuzzy feelings wear off.

For others, impatience is the driving force. Like Will in the example above, some Christians long for deep fellowship, but are unwilling to wait for it. A year at the same church is not enough time to invest in the lives of others and allow them to invest in yours.

Another reason lies in unwillingness to view churches as they really are: imperfect. Just as those closest to us are imperfect, so too are our churches and fellow parishioners. We accept both for what they are and what they are not.

A more meaningful way
Whether it be our relationships or our church engagement, we have to ask ourselves: Do we want the easy way, or the meaningful way? In serious relationships, time and effort are required even when warm fuzzy feelings do not abound. With that intentionality comes lasting commitment, and with that commitment comes a depth of fellowship reserved only for those believers willing to put in the time and effort to pursue it.

Wilson-Hartgrove continues the anecdote of Will, who eventually went to talk to his pastor about his misgivings. The pastor asked how long Will and his family had attended his church.

“About a year,” Will answered.

“Then I guess you’ve got about a year’s worth of community,” the pastor replied. “Stay another year and you’ll have two years’ worth. Stay thirty and you might find some of what you’re looking for.”

Without the willingness to give time and effort, even thirty years of it, church will never be much more than a revolving door.

But if we put in that time and effort, and love the church a little more as Christ does, perhaps then it can be more than just a revolving door. Then it can offer the fellowship we believers need, and we can be the body of Christ that we are called to be.  

Nicholas Dean is a senior at Union University in Jackson, Tennessee. He worked as a AFA Journal intern last summer.

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I Am a Church Member by Thom S. Rainer offers more insights on committed church membership. Rainer is president of LifeWay Christian Resources. His books are available at lifeway.com.