Stacy Long

AFA Journal staff writer

October 2015 – A pastor is the most noticed person in a congregation, but likely the most lonely. A pastor’s struggles may not be known unless he suffers an obvious moral or spiritual failure. Then, all too often, the bad fruit will be addressed while the root is ignored. The secret cancer that surfaces in burnout or depression, marriage problems, or grievous sin is small but deadly. In a conversation with AFA Journal, three pastors, each in ministry to other pastors, concurred on one point: Pastors are often far too alone – in relationships, in accountability, and in spiritual battles.

Cues for a cure
Michael Lewis, director of pastoral care at the North American Mission Board, noted that relational alienation is typically first apparent in a pastor’s marriage. But before problems arise there or in relation to the church body, the dearth starts with the minister’s personal walk with God.

“Pastors strive to fulfill the Great Commission, but sometimes neglect the Great Commandment, and that begins with love for the Lord,” Lewis said.

He described a scheme of five concentric circles for a minister’s relationships. The starting point is loving the Lord, followed by loving the spouse, children, church, and community, in that order.

When pastors experience relational disconnect, they tend to exert more effort into outward relationships where deficits and results are most tangible. Particularly, this is true of the two outermost circles of serving the church and witnessing to the community, leading to prioritizing ministry above the wife and family while the pastor is left feeling overworked and spiritually exhausted.

“If we miss the inner circle of loving the Lord, the outer circles are not effective,” Lewis concluded.

Another relational connection crucial for a minister is one of accountability before peers. John Neihof, president of Wesley Biblical Seminary (wbs.edu) in Jackson, Mississippi, explained to AFAJ the vital need for a pastor to have accountability, whether before a superior in the denominational hierarchy, with another member of the church staff, or in discipleship from an external source.

“A minister desperately needs someone who asks hard questions,” Neihof said. “Questions about thought life and entertainment and lust, the whole range of common temptations for every human. Leaders have to be intentional about building this structure, inviting somebody into their lives to ask the hard questions.”

Transparency is not easy for a minister, especially before those he leads. Yet, without someone who can be safely trusted, a pastor is left alone to face the pressures of ministry, personal conflicts, and temptations of society.

“When you live a life of isolation, a lot of times you make really bad decisions,” Kevin Cone, director of City of Refuge, told AFAJ.

City of Refuge, a ministry of First Baptist Church of Woodstock in Atlanta, Georgia, exists to restore pastors who have been broken in the ministry. COR models attitudes and actions that can and should be replicated in every church.

“Christians are sometimes the worst about shooting their wounded and then leaving them in the field to bleed to death,” Johnny Hunt, founder of COR, said. “I envisioned a ministry that would enable hurting ministers and their families to find hope and healing.”

Pastors come to COR as casualties, whether forced from the field because of personal sin or by no fault of their own. COR is a safe haven where pastors and their families are given a home and provided for financially for 12 to 18 months. At the same time, families are led to a place of healing through professional counseling.

“We try to get them healthy again, maybe healthy for the first time in their lives,” Cone said.

There is a critical need for ministries such as COR because many churches will dismiss a minister with no further provision for the family as they transition. When dismissal is imperative, a loving response from the church would be to extend generosity in terms of financial severance and health insurance, and spiritual care through counseling or sponsorship at a ministry like COR.

Preventive care
Fortunately, churches and alert members can intervene before circumstances reach an unhappy end. The key is recognizing a pastor’s needs and taking opportunities to address them. Cone indicated a few simple symptoms of a pastor’s inner condition.

“Does he work all the time?” he asked. “Does he take time off during the week or for vacation? Does he maintain friendships outside the church? Healthy pastors do those things. Unhealthy pastors don’t do those things.”

There are many ways a congregation can care for their pastor and help him benefit from outside aid.

The North American Mission Board suggests several ideas for how church members can give encouragement and appreciation to their pastor. These include giving a gift card or event tickets to the family, or allowing a time of sabbatical.

Some businesses show appreciation with added discounts for those in ministry. For example, the Christian Hospitality Network offers ministry discounts of up to 50% at hundreds of bed and breakfasts across the country.

Counseling in specific areas is available at ministries such as Pure Life Ministries in Cincinnati, Ohio, and Restoration Path in Memphis, Tennessee, both of which address sexual sin and porn addiction.

Other ways to show gratitude to a pastor may be as simple as yard work, housework, or child care for an evening out. Whatever steps are necessary for a minister’s wellbeing, the church has a responsibility to ensure that the one who pours into the lives of others is not left untended.

“Pastors are people, too,” Neihof said. “They come to ministry with the same baggage that anyone else bears in life. But pastoral care, I believe, is the single thing most neglected by churches and entire denominations.”

The pastor has a responsibility, too, and that is not to neglect his personal relationship with God. As Lewis pointed out, ministry must be grounded in intimate relationship with God. Accountability before other people can motivate, convict, or encourage, but it cannot substitute for time spent with the Lord.

“A minister has to stay in a quiet place, close to God, communing with Him,” Neihof said. “When an inflow of grace comes in every day through the Word and prayer, then the minister has something to give and won’t burn out.”  

FISHBOWL RETREAT
With 37 years of ministry experience, Bert and Jan Harper understand how a pastor’s family can sometimes feel like they live in a fishbowl with everyone watching. That’s why they have developed a special conference aimed at ministering to the unique needs of pastors.

The 2015 Fishbowl Retreat will be held October 6-8 at Linden Valley Conference Center in Linden, Tennessee. Stephen McDowell, president of Providence Foundation, will be the keynote speaker.

For more information, call 1-800-326-4543, ext. 300, or visit repairingthefoundations.net.

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Prescription for recovery
▶ Replicate City of Refuge ministry: call 678-494-2641 or visit fbcw.org
Conferences and resources
▶ namb.net Pastoral care line for counseling: 844-727-8671
▶ Pure Life Ministries purelifeministries.org 888-PURELIFE
▶ Restoration Path restorationpath.org 877-320-5217
▶ Christian Hospitality Network thechn.net 865-376-7546