Tim Wildmon
AFA president
October 1994 – I once heard a speaker on relationships say what men mean by good communication are the headlines and what women look for in quality communication is the fine print.
What is it about the male sex that has a difficult time expressing – or at least verbalizing – even small things like what happened at work to larger matters such as love and affection towards other people, even to God?
The other day my five-year-old son Wesley and I were lying in bed as the family was winding down– ever so slowly – for bedtime. I don’t want to mislead you into thinking our family is super spiritual – because we’re not – but one thing we do try to do each evening is pray with the children. We don’t always make it there, but when we do I normally ask Wriley, my six-year-old daughter, to go first, then Wesley, then Mom and then me. Well, Wesley’s usual response to my request for him to pray is a low, barely audible, “I don’t want to.” (And you thought I was going to quote him as saying something sweet and profound.) No real reason, just, “I don’t want to.” Now he doesn’t mind holding hands and he doesn’t mind closing his eyes but he, unlike Wriley who can pray for everybody and everything amen, doesn’t like verbalizing a prayer. (But then, when I call home he doesn’t like talking on the phone either, unlike Wriley who will talk about everybody and everything amen.) I’ve found, with rare exception, males are like this. Do you remember calling home from college? Who was the one that wanted to talk most and ask lots of questions? It was Mom, right? Dads generally just want to know if the oil has been changed in the car and if you are studying. One is a yes/no question and the other is relative. (Until the grades arrive home anyway.)
But on this particular night Wesley and I were alone for a couple of minutes and I asked him if we could pray. When I asked him if he would pray, he said yes. We’re making progress here, I thought. So we both closed our eyes and I held his hand. Waiting I said, “You can go first.” He squinted and said softly, “Dear God, um, (10 seconds of silence here), um, dear God, um...I don’t really have anything to say.” So I gave him a few simple words, which he repeated, we said good night, and off to sleep he went.
For some reason it seems boys and men find it difficult to verbally express affection and love to others. Wesley will one day outgrow his inability to say a prayer, but we all, especially men, need to get past whatever it is that keeps us from telling those around us how we feel about them. Yes, we need to demonstrate love to our wives, our family, and to God, but they also need to hear it from us and hear it often.
How often do we tell God that we love him? Do we demonstrate that love with our lives? How often do we tell our wives that we love them, and show that love to be genuine with our actions? The same with our children and others around us.
Jesus set the standard for us. He told his disciples he loved them and then he proved it. Indeed, words are cheap if they are not backed up with actions. But then again, there are no more powerful words in the world than, “I love you.” So let me encourage you to do as Wesley will be doing in kindergarten this fall: play a little show-and-tell with those you love and care for. 
