By Randy Sharp, AFA director of special projects

July 2009 – Shortly after I married his daughter, my father-in-law gave me one of the most treasured gifts I have ever received – a book titled Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It.

From the precepts found in the book, I learned how building “hedges” is important to a marriage. Just as in Scripture, hedges are a protection and direction against infidelity, a leading cause of marriage failure in America.

The Bible uses the word hedges several times. In Job 1:10, God put a hedge of protection around Job. In Job 1:10, Satan asked, “Haven’t you placed a hedge around him, his household and everything he owns?”

In Psalm 80:12, David asks God why He has removed His hedge of protection from Israel – “Why have you broken down its [hedge] so that all who pass by pick its fruit?”

God referred to a hedge as a righteous man when He told the prophet Ezekiel in Ezekiel 22:30, “I searched for a man among them who would repair the [hedge] and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land so that I might not destroy it, but I found no one.”

My marriage hedges are nothing more than a few simple rules, cultivated over 23 years of marriage. They are designed to protect me, my wife and my children from a lifetime of suspicion, hurt and mistrust. 

They’re all based on one simple premise, “If I take care of the way things look, I take care of the way things are.”

Hedge #1 – I do not allow myself to be alone with a woman who is not my wife or immediate family member … EVER … EVER!  By doing so, I’ve completely eliminated the possibility that anything inappropriate will take place. I am especially careful at work, where most extra-marital relationships begin. Therefore, I also make it a practice not to engage in conversation with another woman regarding her or my personal life.

Hedge #2 – On work-related trips out of town, I take a family member with me if at all possible. My wife or one of my daughters goes with me.

Hedge #3 – I will not stay at hotels where pornography is available. Before I make a reservation, I ensure that the hotel does not offer pay-per-view or free adult programming. I use www.CleanHotels.com, an online site that lets me know which hotels are safe.

Hedge #4 – I let my wife know where I am at all times. With cell phone and texting technology so available, my wife appreciates my thinking of her.

Husband, love your wife by planting your own hedges today. My hedges serve me well, but there may be different ones that you will need to plant. Let your wife know what your hedges are and that you are committed to growing them.