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July 2009 – In the howling sexual storms assaulting our nation’s young people, scientific research demonstrates that there are two especially strong bulwarks: parents and religion.

While it is becoming more difficult for many kids to avoid being swept away by the surging waters, these two factors are instrumental in creating young people who can stand against the tide.

Effective parents
Like it or not, parents are the most influential factors in the life of a child, and they have the greatest influence in determining what type of young adult that child will become.

This is especially true concerning sex. A 2003 study by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy showed that parents are the biggest influence on teenagers’ decisions about whether to become sexually active. Among teenagers, 45% said their parents were the biggest influence – significantly ahead of even a teen’s friends (31%).

That parenting influence begins with family structure, however. According to No Time to Waste, a 2004 report issued by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, this factor is critical when it comes to preventing early sexual experimentation among teens.

The report said that studies showed “[a]dolescents living in two-parent families are less likely to engage in risky sexual behavior. Teens living in two-parent families, especially with two biological parents, first have sex at a later age than those from single-parent homes.”

This added protection provided by intact families is present regardless of the alternative family structure. That means that kids growing up with single parents, a divorced parent cohabiting with or married to another adult (i.e., a stepparent), or in foster care are more likely to start having sex at earlier ages.

This is not to suggest that family structure stands alone as a determinative factor, because research shows that it is the relationship dynamic within the family structure that is most critical.

In Sexual Risk and Protective Factors, researcher Douglas Kirby and associates said, “When teens live with both parents and enjoy close relationships with them, they are less likely to have unprotected sex and become pregnant.” (Emphasis added.)

This would help to explain why family structure does play a pivotal role. As No Time to Waste explained, in intact families the presence of both biological parents is associated with “more parental monitoring” of teen behavior and whereabouts.

Thus it would be simplistic to see such study results as a criticism of blended families, single parents or foster parents per se. In most of these situations it may be assumed that adults are trying their best under sometimes challenging circumstances.

Rather it would seem reasonable that family structure may affect the degree of closeness that a teen feels with the parental figures in his or her life. Many single parents, for example, might be precluded from giving proper oversight by the demands of work.

However, there appears to be no substitute for frank discussions between parents and teens about sex. In “The Roles of Breadth and Repetition in Parent-Adolescent Communication About Sexual Topics,” published last year in Pediatrics, researchers said parents can “reduce adolescent sexual risk behaviors and promote healthy adolescent sexual development” by “communicating with their children about sexual behaviors and decision-making early and often.”

On the other hand, in a study titled “14 and Younger: The Sexual Behavior of Young Adolescents,” the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy said, “[I]t’s important to add that simple communication between parents and children about sex does not necessarily reduce the chances of early sexual activity. For example, recent research has highlighted the importance of overall closeness between parents and teens, more than specific discussion of sex, as being especially protective.”

Is this a contradiction? Is the degree of closeness to parents that a teen feels more important or is it the openness of sexual discussions?

The answer is yes. The two factors seem to form something of a loop, with each reinforcing the impact of the other. The study appearing in Pediatrics stated: “Adolescents whose sexual communication with their parents involved more repetition felt closer to their parents [and] felt more able to communicate with their parents in general and about sex specifically. …”

Thus, teens who talked with their parents more often about sex felt closer to their parents, and that closeness, in turn, made it easier to talk even more openly with parents.

However, it is not enough for parents to simply talk about sex if that discussion is values free. A close relationship between parents and teens should not be squandered by avoiding the clear articulation of parents’ moral beliefs concerning sex.

That means if parents do not want their teens engaging in premarital sex they should say so. They should avoid “conveying permissive attitudes about premarital sex or teen sex,” Kirby said.

Effective religion
Religion also appears to be a strong factor in protecting teens from sexual experimentation.

Kirby said, “Teens who describe themselves as more religious, who attend religious services more frequently, and who have a stronger religious affiliation are less likely to initiate sex.”

Why? In Hardwired to Connect: The New Scientific Case for Authoritative Communities, a report issued by the Commission on Children at Risk in 2003, researchers said children and teens have “a built-in capacity and drive to search for purpose and reflect on life’s ultimate ends.”

Religion thus becomes a way in which kids are taught that they live in an ordered universe and have an ultimate place in it. The fact that there are transcendent beliefs, values and morals that are to direct and focus their lives becomes extremely helpful, especially when pressures build to take risks.

The corollary, according to Hardwired: The failure to provide this sense of meaning can lead kids to live as if there is no ultimate purpose in life. That’s when lives are often lived for simple self-gratification – including engagement in risk-taking and potentially self-destructive activities.

“Denying or ignoring the spiritual need of adolescents may end up creating a void in their lives that either devolves into depression or is filled by other forms of questing and challenge, such as drinking, unbridled consumerism, petty crime, sexual precocity or flirtations with violence,” the report said.

The most effective religious form, according to Hardwired, is what the report called  authoritative communities. It said: “These are groups that live out the types of connectedness that our children increasingly lack. They are groups of people who are committed to one another over time and who model and pass on at least part of what it means to be a good person and live a good life.”

Therefore, when it comes to religion the same principles seem to be the most effective as those pertaining to parental involvement. A religious community that is closely knit and that effectively articulates its beliefs and values to teens is most likely to serve as a protection against early sexual activity.

Of course, there are no guarantees when it comes to preventing teen sex, and there are certainly numerous overlapping dynamics involved in teen decision-making.

However, it also appears from the scientific research that when teens decide to abstain, making the right choices is not accidental. It is up to parents and religious leaders to help their young people choose well.    

Teaching sexual purity in a sex-saturated culture By Mike Long
First, understand the culture. We cannot possibly reach today’s teenagers with a message of sexual purity without a solid understanding of where they’re coming from on the issue. The days of lecturing, just say “no,” and the finger-in-the-face approach won’t work in this culture.

Parents and youth leaders must learn how to meet teenagers where they are in their culture, and direct them in making smart, healthy decisions while building respect, responsibility, maturity, discipline and Godly character.

Second, speak the truth, saying it as simply and as often as possible. That’s how Christ taught! Jesus went into communities in complete understanding of the culture of those to whom He was speaking. He told them stories they could relate to. If they didn’t understand the story, He explained it to them.  He directed them, and He did this over and over again.

Third, provide innovative programs that get a teenager’s attention. When teaching sexual purity, one must first present this message in a way that makes sense to teens. With the help of a youth leader and their parents’ direction, teens must conclude for themselves that sexual abstinence until marriage is the wisest, most healthy choice for a teenager to make. Once it makes sense to them, then their hearts are open to the Biblical application.

Since teenagers are visually oriented, video gets the best results. The program must be full of stories, fast paced and directive. It must show many teens as Godly role models. And it must convey the truth according to God’s Word.

Mike Long is one of the pioneers of abstinence education in America and has been speaking to teens and parents in schools and churches for 25 years.