By Mary Faulds, AFA Journal staff writer
September 2010 – We all know the childish rhyme, “Johnny and Janie, sittin’ in a tree … First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Janie with a baby carriage.” But then come the grandparents! Many times when a baby is born, new parents are born and new grandparents are as well. Some in the older generation adapt well to their newfound status as “grandma” or “grandpa.” Others seem to run into obstacles when seeking a relationship with that bundle of joy.
When that happens, where can one turn? The Internet is rife with Web sites on the topic, and books on grandparenting in general abound, but when one types “Christian grandparenting” into a search engine, few resources are found. Cavin Harper, executive director of the Christian Grandparenting Network (www.christiangrandparenting.net), found that to be so when he and his wife became grandparents for the first time in 1997.
It was from that dearth of help on what it means to be a godly grandparent that CGN was born just a few years later. The Web site was launched in 2004.
“Both Diane and I began to realize that, wow, this is a huge responsibility,” said Harper. “When that grandson was born, and we were holding him, we realized that we had a responsibility to bless this child and to do everything we can to encourage this child to be everything God wanted him to be.”
Harper believes that grandparents need to be intentional, whether they live right next door or across the country. He said they also need to be able to discuss these things with their adult children and ask them how they can stay in communication with them and the grandchildren. “If we don’t keep that line of communication open, we tend to slip into a pattern of ‘out of sight, out of mind,’ and things don’t happen the way they really could.”
Intentionality, as defined by Harper, means a grandparent looks at the tools, opportunities and resources that can be used in order to maintain and cultivate a meaningful relationship with his grandchildren. He said technology has enabled grandparents to have incredible resources that generations past never dreamed of.
Communication
These technologies, Skype, Facebook, even a simple e-mail, enable grandparents to have close communication with their children and grandchildren no matter how great the physical distance between them.
“But there is nothing like a phone call or a letter,” he said. “Even young children today love to get letters. When you are using those resources, you’ve got the opportunity to interact more intentionally than even those who perhaps live with their grandchildren. They pass each other every day and can take for granted their time together. Sometimes you just have to stop, sit down and talk about life and things that are important.”
He advised grandparents not to be afraid or discouraged if they do not live near their grandkids. Rather, look for creative ways to connect.
One of those ways is through blessing. Harper said it was commonplace in the Old Testament for parents to give their children a blessing.
When Harper’s first grandchild was born, he and his wife knew that blessing him was something they should do to pass on a legacy of faith. “We wrote a blessing together when Thomas was born, and before he left the hospital we spoke that blessing over him, printed it out and framed it. It still hangs in his bedroom today. We did that for each of our grandchildren when they were born.”
Blessing grandchildren came from Harper’s study of Judges 2. He said he did not want a verse from that passage to be his epitaph: “… There arose another generation after them, which knew not the LORD, nor yet the works which he had done for Israel” (Judges 2:10).
Harper said he wonders how grandparents are prepared to do more than simply spoil and enjoy their grandchildren. The challenge is to come alongside their adult children to encourage their grandchildren to walk with the Lord.
Camps, conferences
In 1998, Harper and his wife came up with a new way for grandparents to impact their grandchildren and equip them to pass on that legacy of faith.
“GrandCamps are an attempt to provide a positive change in the family by calling attention to the fact that grandchildren do not think that grandma and grandpa are archaic or unwanted,” said Harper. “In fact, according to a Weekly Reader survey, the first choice among children for family vacations is going to grandma and grandpa’s house. We believe there is a vital connection between grandparents and grandchildren, and we are committed to do all we can to bring these two generations together in a meaningful experience that will transform both, and result in a spiritual legacy for our future parents and grandparents.”
GrandCamps, which started in full force in 1999, are typically a five-day, four-night retreat experience in which grandparents and their elementary school age grandkids play together, explore together, learn together and bond together. Moms and Dads are not invited, Harper stressed.
At GrandCamp there is plenty of time for grandparents to tell their stories and learn to bless their grandkids. Together they experience the joy of the vital connection between them while discovering something about themselves through their own family history. Values, traditions, character and spiritual life are all part of GrandCamp.
Harper says grandparents are vital to strong families, and these camps help them identify and use the tremendous gifts and power they possess in Christ to bring stability and harmony to families, to prepare another generation to know the Lord and to experience and be amazed by the blessing of His grace.
And although camp can bring images of rustic cabins, rickety bunk beds, sore backs and long walks down a dirt trail to the shower house, Harper’s GrandCamp programs are held at Christ Haven Lodge in Colorado. Here grandparents and their granchildren find comfortable accommodations, a variety of options for fun activities and field trips, a delightful climate and incredible scenery. “No tents or sleeping bags here!” laughed Harper.
GrandCamps are aimed at producing unforgettable memories. “At a time when many of our grandparents are exiting to warmer climates and retirement communities away from their grandchildren, our families are desperate for the important stabilizing elements that only an older generation can provide. Mature, godly grandparents are in a unique position to connect with grandchildren at the soul level and help them understand such things as giving, loving, honesty, community, commitment, respect, and loving God with our whole being,” said Harper.
The camps are currently held twice a year, but Harper said they are looking at expanding to a second location. They are also small, and only about 12 to 14 families can attend each camp. “We are about intimacy and relationship,” said Harper, “and we need to have a facility that allows us to maintain that.”
Harper said churches need to do more to help grandparents be the best that they can be. With over 40% of the U.S. population over 50, many in that group are grandparents desiring help with grandparenting. His ministry conducts Grandparent Conferences at churches to help equip them with the tools and ideas necessary to be a godly influence on the younger generations. Harper said they tried to do large, big-gathering regional conferences for grandparents at first, but the format seemed better suited to individual churches. Information about hosting a Grandparent Conference is available at the GCN Web site.
Harper summed up the mission of the CGN ministry following his theme of intentionality. “We really try to say to grandparents that part of being intentional is seeking every opportunity to speak blessing into both your grandchildren’s and your adult children’s lives.” 
Practical tips on godly grandparenting*
• Share your testimony. Share with your grandchildren about how you came to the Lord.
• Make bedtime special. Whether you sing with the grandchildren, pray or share a story, you are creating very special memories in those children’s lives.
• Ring in the season. The memories of tomorrow are being shaped by the traditions we create today.
• Walk the talk. To be an example of God’s love, we must turn over our own life to the Lord, both the problems and the joys.
• Be a grandparent. Kids already have friends. Grandparents are to be friendly and just, but above all they must be people of integrity.
*From Bob and Emilie Barnes’ book, 101 Ways to Love Your Grandkids, from Harvest House Publishers and available at bookstores and online retailers.
