Teddy James
AFA Journal staff writer
February 2016 – For many men, learning to be romantic is akin to learning to play golf. It feels awkward and unnatural in the beginning, as if the human body was not made to work like that. But with a little work and practice, it becomes a prized skill, a honed craft, and a fun hobby. All it takes are the right motivations, a bit of work, and a desire to make a beautiful woman happy. In addition, rather than making a man lose his man card, being romantic can make him feel manlier than showing off a four under par scorecard.
Use reminders
Modern men are not widely regarded as having great recollection skills. In truth, both men and women consistently need reminders. That is why millions of dollars are spent every year on physical and digital calendars. That is also why app stores are filled with reminder, alarm, and personal assistant apps. If it is generally accepted to use reminders in the ebb and flow of life, why is it almost taboo to use reminders for special days and special gifts?
Whether using a calendar on a phone, computer, wall, or in a pocket, mark every special day. That is the easy part. But to make sure you have ample time to stretch your romantic muscles, mark those dates two to three weeks in advance. This will ensure enough advanced warning to find the perfect gift or plan the special date.
A bonus to marking out special days on an annual calendar is the ability to see the long stretches of time where there are no specific reasons to give gifts or go on special dates. Finding a day during such a lull and having flowers delivered or planning a night of quality time together will be a nice, unexpected surprise. This is a simple but effective way to remind the woman sharing your last name how important she is.
What ties and belts are for men, soap and perfume have become for women. They are appreciated, and sometimes even requested. But they are also cliché, impersonal, and unoriginal. Giving a truly romantic gift requires paying attention when out on the town with your spouse. If she wants to walk into a store, walk in with her and note what she stops to look at. When she moves on, take a photo of what she liked or write down a description of it in a pocket notebook. Do this enough and when the two-week reminder of a birthday or anniversary comes to pass, there will be a plethora of options, any of which will make her smile.
This also works if you happen to find something when you are in a store alone or while browsing the Internet. Upon finding something she will definitely appreciate, take a photo or write a description with the website’s name to remind you. Unless you have a photographic memory, do not believe you will be able to recall the item, where it is sold, and how much it costs. This is especially helpful if you ignore all those reminders and need a last-minute gift.
With all of your reminders of important dates and gifts you want to buy your wife, you will be doing quite a bit of writing. For many women, the most romantic gift she can receive is something written by the hand of her husband. Never overlook how treasured a sweet note or letter can be to your wife. Remind her how precious, beautiful, and amazing she is. She can never be told enough. And with it being a physical letter, she can pull it out anytime she needs that reminder again. The more letters you give, the more she will read and be reminded of her love for you.
Use forethought
Women love details. Men do too, but they love different details than ladies. A woman can regale friends with the story of her first date with her husband. She can tell in vivid detail where they went, what they ate, what time he dropped her off, how long they first held hands. A man remembers the first date differently. He remembers how long it had been since the oil was changed in his car, and how much he spent at the fancy restaurant trying to impress her. So men, when planning a special date, pay close attention to and plan for the details she will remember.
One of the biggest items she will remember is the location, especially if it is out of town. Look up reviews and ask friends for recommendations when planning a date. Make the reservation before leaving home. That implies choosing a place that suggests making reservations.
After the dining is planned, consider other activities that do not include a screen. Bed and breakfasts are a wonderful choice, as are unique stores she never gets to frequent. This is also an excellent opportunity to make notes for future gifts, because you will remember to take photos or write a description of what she likes. Right?
With the locations selected, really flex the romance muscle and pay attention to detail by choosing the music that will play while traveling. Music services like Spotify allow users to create custom playlists. Create one long enough to last the entire night. You can also download music and burn it to a CD. Choose songs that are meaningful to her or that remind you of her.
For the last attention to detail, wear what she likes. Knowing that you wore something special makes her feel special. That is the point of romance, making her feel the way you see her: special and beautiful.
Use help
Men have a reputation for not seeking help. But this is entirely unfounded. When a man finds a new hobby, one of his first actions is finding an individual or a group who are knowledgeable and skilled in it. He shadows that man or group of men and begins asking questions.
While there is not a local romance professional, like there are local golf pros, finding resources in this area is simple. There are numerous books and resources for the man willing to invest in bettering himself to better his marriage. Aside from reading and researching, marriage conferences and seminars are a wonderful help. (See below.)
Being romantic is not the death of manliness. Quite the opposite is true. It makes a man stronger, his wife happier, and their marriage healthier. 
Bert Harper pastored churches for 37 years before coming to American Family Association to serve as director of marriage and family ministries. Part of his mission is hosting CPR Marriage conferences across the country with his wife Jan.
While many marriage conferences ask couples to visit a conference hall in a large city, the Harpers go where the people are, hosting their conferences in local churches. For more information on bringing Bert and Jan to your church for a CPR Marriage Conference, call 662-844-5036, X302 or visit repairingthefoundations.net.
More resources
▶ The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Learn your wife’s love language and speak it fluently.
▶ Visionary Marriage: Capture a God-Sized Vision for Your Marriage by Rob and Amy Rienow. What could be more romantic than drawing closer to God and drawing your spouse with you?
▶ The Love Dare by Alex and Stephen Kendrick. This 40-day challenge will help you understand and practice unconditional love for your spouse.
All books available at online and retail bookstores.
