Teddy James
AFA Journal staff writer
January 2016 – Many see the apologist as a person who loves debate, appears to know all the answers, and is puffed up by his knowledge. Author and speaker Sean McDowell admits he fit that negative stereotype after graduating college, but he is among many apologists who are now working to correct that image and make apologetics* applicable for everyday life. McDowell recently spoke with AFA Journal about his journey and where he sees apologetics moving in the future.
AFA Journal: What was the turning point for you that showed you apologetics is more than knowing the right answer?
Sean McDowell: I was probably 22 years old, and had just finished my undergrad work. One of my final classes was in apologetics, and I was ready for conversations and debates. I was in Breckenridge, Colorado, getting my hair cut and the lady cutting my hair noticed I was holding a Christian book. She said, “Can I ask you a question?”
Outside I was calm and collected, but inside I was excited and ready. I was about to apply all this knowledge I had from this class I’d just finished.
She asked, “If God is so good and powerful, why does He allow so much pain and suffering in the world?”
My initial thought was, “This is it? This is your big question. We’ve been answering this questions for years.” I then rattled off an answer about free will and that if evil exists then good exists, and if good exists, God exists.
In the middle of this conversation that I thought was going great, she started crying. Intensely crying. She blurted out emotionally, “You have an answer for everything. It can’t be that easy.”
I felt bad, so I changed the subject and left her a big tip. On walking out, a friend who sat by and saw the entire exchange looked at me and said, “Do you have any idea how arrogant you were toward her?”
I just stopped. I felt like someone had punched me in the chest. I had been so worried about winning an argument, about getting a point across, about sounding smart, that I never took the time to listen to her hurt and treat her like a human being. It was abstract for me. It was personal to her.
AFAJ: How did that change how you do apologetics now?
SM: Whenever I am asked a similar question now, I typically turn the question back on the questioner. I just say, “Wow, that is such an important question. Of all the questions you could ask about God, why that one?” And I regularly hear stories of abuse, abandonment, pain, and suffering.
With that said, we have to be careful not to read meaning into a question that isn’t there. Sometimes people ask that question in the abstract and we have a purely philosophical discussion. But we need to take the time to find out if the questions people ask are really the questions they want answered. Then we need to provide appropriate answers in a spirit of grace and respect.
AFAJ: Is that what you mean by “relational apologetics?”
SM: Yeah. Relational apologetics is just being prepared to give an answer and speaking truth, but doing it in a way that is respectful and inviting to nonbelievers. Many times we think we should just speak the truth boldly and let the cards fall where they may. But relational apologetics recognizes there are times where truth is not spoken in the abstract. We are speaking to real people. So we try to build a relationship and speak from a place of grace and love.
AFAJ: How do we begin practicing relational apologetics?
SM: First, we have to start from a place of humility. I can’t say that I have humility figured out; I am a work in progress. But I can say that the more I am aware of my own shortcoming, the more natural grace I will have for other people. That is part of Jesus’ point in Matthew 18, the parable of the unmerciful servant. The main character did not realize how much he was forgiven, which was a massive amount, so he could not then offer a small amount of grace to someone else. In this context, whatever the issue is, if we start from a place of humbly seeing and confessing our own sins and failures, we will speak to people differently.
Second, we have to build relationships outside our own echo chambers and intentionally build relationships with people who disagree with our worldview. Sometimes we talk about postmodernists, atheists, Mormons, or homosexual activists. We give people labels and they become a movement. It divorces us from having a relationship with them. Because I have relationships with people under these labels, these issues are not abstract for me. When I speak to these issues, I see my friends, not just faceless mobs. Having these friends has absolutely changed and shaped the way I view apologetics.
AFAJ: Your new book A New Kind of Apologist discusses this at depth.
SM: I really have two goals for this new book. The first is to reach apologists who are writing, speaking, blogging, and leading small groups and get them to be a little more thoughtful about how we go about doing apologetics today.
Second, I’m trying to reach people outside the apologetics world who tend to write off apologetics, believing it to be unimportant. Every believer is an apologist. The only question is whether someone is a good one or not.
AFAJ: What makes a good relational apologist?
SM: Someone who has taken the time to study and think. Someone who has an answer for what he or she believes, but then communicates that truth with love, grace, and compassion to people. A good apologist has both truth and grace. Lack either one of those, and you are not a good apologist.
AFAJ: What is the role of apologetics in the home?
SM: Studies routinely show the most important factor to children adopting the faith of their parents is a warm relationship with their father. That comes from the book Faith and Families by Vern Bengston. That is not saying Mom is not important, but that if we are going to pass our faith on to the next generation, it must be done in the context of relationship.
AFAJ: What does that look like practically?
SM: I think it can look like many things. One of the most important ways to teach children a biblical worldview is through simple conversations. Live out Deuteronomy 6:4-9, which says to speak of God and teach His truths to your children in everyday interactions. The passage does not say to lecture them, but to have intentional, faith-inspired conversations about life. 
*apologetics--the discipline which deals with a rational defense of Christianity; giving a reason or justification of one’s beliefs; use of evidences and sound reasoning to reach individuals for Christ.
____________________
Dr. Sean McDowell has studied apologetics most of his life. Even before earning his Ph.D. in apologetics and worldview studies from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, he traveled the world defending the Christian faith. He has also written or co-written 18 books. While he is home in San Juan Capistrano, California, he teaches students through Summit Ministries (summit.org).
____________________
Learn more about relational apologetics
▶ Is God Just a Human Invention? by Sean McDowell
▶ A New Kind of Apologist by Sean McDowell (Available in March)
▶ Cold Case Christianity by J. Warner Wallace (See AFA Journal, 11/15.)
▶ The Apologetics Study Bible for Students
▶ Tactics: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions by Gregory Koukl
▶ Grace and Truth Paradox by Randy Alcorn
